So I am staying in Austin with a friend (one of my favorite cities… that’s another blog), and I realized how I’m still so socially awkward.
Honestly, I fooled myself into thinking I was past that awkward phase of my life. For years, I earned the name “quiet girl” because of how much I kept to myself. I was afraid of branching out. I wondered if anyone would like me. I struggled to talk to people, especially people I really wanted to be friends with. I did not relate to anyone around me, so as a coping mechanism, I isolated myself.
I thought I was past all of that…
But nope, it still exists, even at almost 30 years old.
And you know what? Whatever!
I mean I could make a huge deal about it, and I did get down on myself about it today, but then I realized… my life is pretty full? I’ve made amazing friends and have so many hobbies and activities that take up my time. Being an extrovert who is the life of the party would be swell, but that just isn’t me.
I’m the girl who struggles to come up with things to say because small talk is uncomfortable. So if you want to be friends with me, give me a few chances. If I come across as socially off and anxious… it’s because I am!
But I’ve undoubtedly overcome at least 70 percent of those tendencies. It used to be so much worse… therefore, I choose to splash in a puddle of my residual flaws rather than drown in them.
So yeah, I get jittery… my heart races, and I attempt to “play it cool,” when I meet new people… and yeah, I’m envious of people who have mastered the art of making human connections.
But there’s a balance I have to strike with noticing things I am not great at, while also marveling at my progress, I’ll be honest..,, as I sit here drinking my morning cup of coffee, I know I am far from striking that ideal balance.
But then I remember my best friends, the numerous people I’ve met on my travels and the immense pleasure I achieve from solititude and suddenly, I feel much better about all of it.
I really have come a long way.
Yet, there’s still a long way to go….
In the meantime,
I guess I just have to love myself anyway
& that’s the truth